@thezachmaginnis: My sister told me to "take the spider out" instead of "kill" it. So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.
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@TheToddWilliams: [high seas] FIRST MATE: The men be ready to attack PIRATE: Arr! FIRST MATE: Oh sorry...the men "are" ready to attack
@iAmDelFreaky: I heard my cat walking down the hall because his claws are too long. Then I realized I hadn't taken off his tap shoes since the photo shoot.
@DaddyJew: Listening to coworkers try and explain Fight Club to another coworker and all I could think was "we really shouldn't be talking about this".