@thezachmaginnis: My sister told me to "take the spider out" instead of "kill" it. So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@OutOnTheMoors: Don't worry, people who are sick of political tweets, every horror movies needs a few "Nah, it's nothing" types to raise the body count.
@cepheusjackson: WIFE: Shouldn't you be at work? ME: I took care of it. BOSS: [to the cardboard cutout of Shaq with my face glued on it] Nice work today.
@stephenjmolloy: Commissioner Gordon: It says here that bats sleep upside down and wee over themselves. Batman: We also poop. CG: We? B: They. I mean they