@Chumpstring: My sister told the police that I mistreat my pets. My own little sister! I guess that's the thanks I get for giving her a goldfish necklace.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@vladchoc: Dance like no one's a werewolf. Eat like you found it in the couch. Shout like your cat's sleeping. Feel good like a bossy poem told you to.
@TheTweetOfGod: Since yesterday was the National Day of Prayer, today must be the National Day of Disappointment.
@LeviathanPride: Guys at work are always like "why are your shorts so short?" Then I spin kick an inch away from their face with such precision and they know
@HeroineAddict: Tried this new Playlist in the car, on the treadmill, at my desk, but it seems the best place for me to listen to old Greenday is 1992.