@just1fool: My six replaced the toilet paper roll all on her own and now I'm wondering who her real dad is.
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@AtticusFinch79: [face to face with a serial killer] Me: So this is how it ends. SK: Kill you? In this economy? I just needed to borrow a cup of sugar.
@ValeeGrrl: An enterprising divorce lawyer would set up a booth on a Sunday at a cut-your-own Christmas tree farm.
@socarolinesays: I used to think I'd never be able to be president because I'm a woman but now I know it's because I don't like drinking water
@claire_mudie: If you lost your needle in a haystack then I don't think you were responsible enough to have had a needle in the first place. Needle loser.