@just1fool: My six replaced the toilet paper roll all on her own and now I'm wondering who her real dad is.
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@iwearaonesie: wife: Can we get a kids menu? waitress *brings one* wife me wife me [already doing the maze] wife: Can we get 2 kids menus?
@GrantTanaka: Snakes are more scared of us than we are of them [watches snake drive off in my car with my wallet & phone] I mean, not that one, but most
@scorpicpanda: Me: *lying nude on checkered blanket* Him: "Where's the food and why are you naked?" Me: "Am I doing it wrong? This is my first picnic."