@NYC_Blonde: My "snooze" button should just be called the "nope, no yoga today" button.
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@ClichedOut: Her: HELP I'M ON FIRE!! ME: *slow drag on cigarette* Technically, the fire is on you.
@calluptome: Everyone complains about the weather but noone's sacrificing a virgin to change it either.
@TheTweetOfGod: THE TOP TEN WORDS OF 2012!! 1. End 2. Of 3. Year 4. Top 5. Ten 6. Lists 7. Are 8. Exercises 9. In 10. Stupidity
@DanMentos: *surgeon opens cooler during transplant* *cooler is full of Gatorade* "Wait but this means…" *cut to surgeon's kids dumping kidney on coach*