@NYC_Blonde: My "snooze" button should just be called the "nope, no yoga today" button.
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@BradBroaddus: My aunt's ex-boyfriend's mailman's brother said it on Facebook so I don't think any further research is necessary.
@_MustBeArkaydia: Twitter is all fun and games until you get that text asking what that tweet was about.
@Marlebean: [Interviewing to be a mortician] Do you have any experience handling dead bodies? -Well I get my sleepy kids ready for school every day.