@SooInnocentDad: My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home
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@DurtMcHurtt: Me: *quickly flips through each layer of a Big Mac like a wad of cash* McDonald's employee: [nervously assuring me] it's all there I swear.
@DannyDyer5: It always amuses me when I see tweets from people clearly using words they don't understand, thus making themselves look aerodynamic.
@LindaInDisguise: The difference between your husband and your Netflix account is, over time, your Netflix account learns what you like.
@sammyrhodes: Watching Dora with the kids this morning. I wish her parents would just get her an iPhone.