@ericsshadow: My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
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@BlondAmbitionTO: I wonder if serial killers watch Criminal Minds like chefs watch the Food Network: "Oh, bad move, I'd have done it this way..."
@jergarl: When I was a kid I used to ask my my papa... "Whatcha doin?" Papa would say, "I'M MINDING MY OWN DAMN BUSINESS." Best advice ever.
@Its_Miss_Riss: I imagine the hardest part about being vegan is getting up before sunrise to milk all of those almonds.
@iwearaonesie: "If we get the kids to help us it will go faster!” - the dumbest thing I've ever said