@ericsshadow: My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
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@mydmac: Therapist: Would you use alcohol, food and sex as a means of feeling happy? Me: Yes, thanks.
@KKBowls: Instead of politely knocking on the bathroom door, my kid attacks the door like a rookie DEA agent on his first raid
@TheTimmyToes: (car dealer) is the passenger seat also heated? "Aww for ur wife?" *imagines putting a fast food bag on warm seat after the drive-thru* yes
@TheWoodenslurpy: Marry a man who surrounds himself with good weather and can provide good weather for you and your children.