@TEXASVETERAN: My son asked me where babies come from. He so silly, babies are too young to come.
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@50NerdsofGrey: 'Tell me you want me' he ordered. 'I want you' she said. 'Now tell me you need me.' 'I need you' she sighed. She hated calling tech support.
@theshamingofjay: Make sure you finish all of your math homework, there are dumb kids in America who can't add - parents in China, probably
@_troyjohnson: Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife's home.
@StellaGMaddox: I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!