@TEXASVETERAN: My son asked me where babies come from. He so silly, babies are too young to come.
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@Breadery: My daughter got a sticker from her teacher that said 'resilient tortoise.' I've sent her in with one to give in return, 'patronizing hippo.'
@jwoodham: BREAKING: Man arrested for owning a waterbed. Police reported that "it's not really illegal, but a waterbed in 2014? That's just creepy."
@Sweet_Leafs_: I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
@markedly: ME: This man's robbing me COP: No he's not M: He was doing it a second ago *puts robber's hand on wallet* come on why aren't you robbing now