@LurkAtHomeMom: My son asked what it was like to be a parent so I begged him to make me chicken nuggets and then held on to his leg so he couldn't move.
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@BuckyIsotope: I'll always remember what my dad told me right before he died: "of course you're supposed to use that much lighter fluid idiot."
@hstweetheart: Ariel: "But I love him, daddy!" *sobs as King Tritan rips her iPhone away and unfollows PrinceEric69*