@thatguyJA: My son ate all the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms and well guess who isn't paying for his college now.
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@3sunzzz: Me: Hi, my name is Ursula and I'll be your Uber driver. Patron: Um, why are you wearing a clown mask? Me: We'll be making one quick stop.
@chrisdowning: Mozzarella sticks in the streets, mozzarella sticks in the sheets. There’s never a bad time for mozzarella sticks.
@sexorpizza: Friend: Hey guess what? Me: What? Friend: No, guess! Me: I don't need this friendship that bad.