@DadandBuried: My son can now reach the light switches so don't come over my house unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure.
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@Brampersandon_: FLIGHT ATTENDANT: sir calm down ME (having panic attack): sorry I've never flown before PILOT (over intercom): dont worry neither have I lol
@50NerdsofGrey: 'Do what you want!' she cried lying back on the bed. 'I love a man who takes control.' 'OK' he said and put her CDs into alphabetical order.
@bigmacher: No, I'm not telling my wife the reason we need a new blender is because I didn't remove the pit from the avocado, that's between us.
@jordan_stratton: I don't know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...