@Cheeseboy22: My son found a SEVEN leaf clover on the neighbor's back porch! I don't have the heart to tell him that it's really a marijuana leaf.
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@cbdoubleu: Not to brag, but I have the high score on 7 different blood pressure machines around the city. *enters initials
@yab_kat: [gets pulled over] Officer: *through window* Do you know why i pulled you over? Me: *punches steering wheel* answer the man you criminal car
@notacroc: Me: *holds up my phone showing my tweet has a total of 6 favorites* Bouncer: you still can't go in
@PandAmonnia: *boyfriend calls girlfriend* Bf: "Hey Babe, I love you!" Gf: "we're breaking up" Bf: "no we're not, I can hear you just fine."