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@Brianhopecomedy: My son has about 12 seconds to learn patience.
@Sickayduh: "Your name is Duck?"
"Got it. Duck"
Go fuGG yourself
"Haha. Classic Duck"
@RonanFarrow: "I'm a great listener." - The US government on a first date.
@Sassafrantz: [lays down]
Me: Feels so good to close my eyes.
Brain: We should think about a fire evacuation plan.
@djr_102: I'm an okay dancer until I whip out the finger guns, then I'm just majestic.
@Sarcasticsapien: My favorite parts of the Bible are when Jesus is alone talking to God (himself) and someone who wasn't there is writing about it.