@TheTweetOfGod: My son is 2,000 years old and still lives with His parents. #loser
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@FatherWithTwins: Me: Are you still wearing pajamas? Go change. 4yo: *Goes upstairs *Comes down wearing different pair of pajamas
@OutOnTheMoors: A CW pronounces both "r"s in February, both "d"s in Wednesday and has just told me the "correct" way to say segue. Please send weapons.
@PinkCamoTO: There is no bond greater than the mutual respect of two former high school friends who refuse to friend each other on Facebook.
@Reverend_Scott: [sees friend at the store] "Hi" Hey "Where's your better half?" The PS4's at home "No I mean-" Where WOULD it be? Wow, dumb question.