@TheTweetOfGod: My son is 2,000 years old and still lives with His parents. #loser
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@beccafacexo: If I ever get kidnapped, my plan is to just talk non-stop about Lost until they see that I'm very annoying, and they return me to safety.
@Reverend_Scott: [Interview] "You were arrested for armed robbery?" I had no choice. It's silly to try and rob a bank without your arms. "We'll be in touch."
@ilovepie84: They say rabbits don't have glasses because they eat carrots. They also don't have thumbs. I like my thumbs so i don't eat carrots.
@shariv67: Whenever someone says smart phones are turning people into zombies, look up from your phone just long enough to bite them.