@Brianhopecomedy: My son is explaining why my daughter is crying but I'm not buying it as I don't think she can even say, "Please kick me in the face".
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@iwearaonesie: wife: What's wrong? me [annoyed because the kids menu has a picture of a tree on it but they didn't give me any brown crayons] Nothing
@AristotlesNZ: Yea? Well who died & made you Batman? Oh crap..that's right. Bruce, I'm so sorry. Come on, dude, don't cry. Seriously, where you going?
@ilovepie84: "Jesus take the wheel" -an Asian man telling the police that a Mexican guy stole his rims off his Honda Civic.
@KardashianReact: there are 1,013,913 english words but I never could string together any of them to accurately explain how much I want to hit u with a chair