@Brianhopecomedy: My son is explaining why my daughter is crying but I'm not buying it as I don't think she can even say, "Please kick me in the face".
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@tweetarded1: Officer: "didn't you know that sleeping in your car on the side of the road is illegal ?" Me: "yes I did officer. But this isn't my car"
@Turbo_Jimmy: *hostage situation* Our FIRST demand: we want more bullets because we ran out... NO DON'T COME IN HERE