@ericsshadow: My son is so lazy he's went from playing video games on the computer to watching other people play video games on the computer.
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@SondraDeeMe: Perfect one night stand: Amish person. No internet access. No phones. In the heat of passion they'll whisper the secret to apple butter.
@HeyJennyConway: My thoughts are as pure as snow... after the trucks have driven hard and plowed through it.
@therealeatwood: ME: [spraying hose to make a rainbow over a bear trap] WIFE: stop trying to trap a leprechaun ME: I really want a pot of gold or some cereal
@KalvinMacleod: [ice cream parlor] WIFE: I'll have two scoops of vanilla ME: me too, u could say I want an WIFE AND CLERK: please don't ME: ice cream clone