@ericsshadow: My son is so lazy he's went from playing video games on the computer to watching other people play video games on the computer.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ewfeez: GENIE: you have found my lamp, so I must grant you four wishes ME: I thought it was three? GENIE: You need four
@kumailn: Just ate a glazed donut flavored protein bar. It tasted like someone describing a donut to me while I shove sawdust into my mouth.
@WendyLiebman: For Halloween my husband asked me to dress up as a nurse, cause that's one of his fantasies: That we have health care.
@TheMichaelRock: After shaking someone's hand, I like to maintain eye contact while applying hand sanitizer.