@jonnysun: my son just asked me where do pizzas come from adn has yet to ask me where do babeys come from. thats my boy
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@Reverend_Scott: [1st day working at bank] BOSS: What are you doing?? ME: I gave that man a personal loan. BOSS: YOU'RE THE JANITOR
@AsgardianRose: Life can be compared to a 'Choose your own adventure' book. Sometimes there's a happy ending; sometimes you get eaten by a bear.
@jenstatsky: FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
@robfee: The Santa Clause (1994) A man gains a ton of weight after murdering a stranger on his roof