@BuckyIsotope: My son just asked what erectile dysfunction is so I told him it's when your anaconda don't want none regardless of the presence of buns.
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@MindyFurano: Flipped over my therapist's writing pad and it was just a New York Times crossword with "shut up" written in every blank.
@RecursiveTaco: My dog learned how to open our sliding door and my toddler learned how to open the baby gate, so if anyone sees a toddler riding a dog those are mine.
@XplodingUnicorn: Teenager: Bae swag YOLO Me: In better times, people who spoke gibberish like that were burned as witches.