@BuckyIsotope: My son just asked what erectile dysfunction is so I told him it's when your anaconda don't want none regardless of the presence of buns.
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@iYoungKhalifa: She:Hey,Whats up? Me:Onion prices. S:You know what I mean,like What's crackin'? M:Nutshells. S:Really?Fine.What's poppin? M:Corn. *Blocked*
@osoplain: I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
@samuelhlowe: Chasing a Pringles can down a slope is the closest I've ever been to hunting my own food.
@Cryptoterra: NOBODY MOVE THIS IS A ROBBERY! *other robber looks over at me* dude no you can move. We talked about this. Get the money