@BuckyIsotope: My son just asked what erectile dysfunction is so I told him it's when your anaconda don't want none regardless of the presence of buns.
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@knot_eye: Upon graduation from the University of Phoenix, do they just send you a screencap of your degree?
@KagroX: The Republicans haven't got a single candidate who could survive a Willie Wonka factory tour.
@RoosterMustache: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like "hey thanks" and I'm like "I'm just happy to be a part of this nice community"