@BuckyIsotope: My son just asked what erectile dysfunction is so I told him it's when your anaconda don't want none regardless of the presence of buns.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JohnLyonTweets: I'm not saying your perfume is too strong. I'm just saying the canary was alive before you got here.
@DirtMcTurd: [friend being eaten by a bear] *screaming violently* Me: Stay calm! Don't move so much! I'm trying to take a picture for snapchat!
@ArfMeasures: ME: *takes wife's hand* you know I've wanted to have children for 3 years WIFE: And I've told you *removes hand and sits back* we have to keep them forever
@Parkerlawyer: Client, "I should have known this marriage was going to fail when he hid my engagement ring in a gas station taquito."