@BuckyIsotope: My son just asked what erectile dysfunction is so I told him it's when your anaconda don't want none regardless of the presence of buns.
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@BadMikeyBad: I may be weird, but everyone needs a buddy who will show up at 2 a.m. and help get the dead zebra out of the septic tank without judging you
@newschannelnine: Also, kids? Don't DM us pretending you are some school official cancelling school. Closings don't work like that. & we're not that dumb.
@equinelover137: A guy just said he wants to know what I got "in the trunk" I told him duct tape, a shovel and rapid decomposition powder Flirting is hard
@ruinedpicnic: "Well boy," I yell to my dog, seated in the basket of my pushbike as we plummet to the rocks below, "naming you E.T. clearly wasn't enough."