@ValeeGrrl: My son just explained how he wants to make a necklace out of my hair which is totally normal & doesn't at all concern & terrify me.
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@kristensauce: Things Red Bull has given me: 1) jitters 2) diarrhea 3) a heart attack Things Red Bull has not given me: 1) wings
@sarcasm_inc: Good cop: where were you last Wednesday? Cotton Eye Joe cop: where did you come from, where did you go
@cbme69: [Leaving ballgame] Officer: have you been drinking? Me: Yes, but I assure you officer I can't afford to get drunk there.