@JaneBadall: My son just referred to a beaver as a "wood-eater". So I mulled it over in my mind for a bit and it would seem he's correct on two levels.
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@jeffswarens: By the volume of the pans clanging in the kitchen. I think I'm supposed to go volunteer to help with something
@omgthatspunny: The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.
@LaziestCanine: [sprains my ankle] Doc: does it hurt when you put pressure on it? Me: Let me check Me: [to ankle] c'mon dude try it, it's only one cigarette
@ariscott: Social media: We're getting rid of chronological order. Everyone: NO! SM: Cool, right?! Everyone: NO! SM: Glad you're excited!