@JaneBadall: My son just referred to a beaver as a "wood-eater". So I mulled it over in my mind for a bit and it would seem he's correct on two levels.
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@TheMichaelRock: Don't forget to get offended today by some retarded shit that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
@jazmasta: [first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] "Dr that's the model skeleton"
@hoeroins: someone just tweeted "do crabs think fish are flying" and i just know this is all i'll think about for the rest of the year