@MomOnFire: My son just said, “Peace on Earth, goodwill to men,” and shot me in the face with a Nerf™️ gun.
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@allthenachos: We're going to build a great wall to keep the inspirational tweets out. And Facebook is going to pay for it. Make Twitter Great Again.
@NoFlipFlops: Sit next to stranger on park bench, hand over envelope with random person's picture, whisper "It has to look like an accident", walk away.
@botandy: You come home early and catch the cat eating with a knife and fork at the table. You stare at each other unsure of the next move.