@KenJennings: My son just told me he wouldn't kill baby Hitler b/c of what that would do to the space program. Not 100% sure if he's a Nazi or just a nerd
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@meganamram: Don't have money for a cab so I keep calling ambulances and telling them I feel better when I'm close to my destination
@MeemawKate: "Are you still watching?" Yes, Netflix. I didn't magically get my shit together in the last three hours.
@WineMummy: Sure laying me down on a "Bed of Roses" sounds all romantic and shit, but I much rather lay on a bed of fries and onion rings.