@KenJennings: My son just told me he wouldn't kill baby Hitler b/c of what that would do to the space program. Not 100% sure if he's a Nazi or just a nerd
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@lurve_meh: They say kill 'em with kindness but it's much quicker if you just take their phone charger away.
@Unkle_K: I hate that, you go to someone's wedding and they're asking "who invited you" my friend focus on your union and let me eat in peace
@EliseRose5: When someone says, "Good luck with that'' they actually mean "Let me grab some popcorn so I can watch you fail."