@KenJennings: My son just told me he wouldn't kill baby Hitler b/c of what that would do to the space program. Not 100% sure if he's a Nazi or just a nerd
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@trojansauce: [first day in the mafia] ME: *bursts in out of breath* STOP! BOSS: what ME: i just found out that this is *whispers* illegal
@TheTweetOfGod: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, there was a grim recognition of the fundamental uselessness of man's endeavors.