@Cheeseboy22: My son just told me he's changing his clock to military time so he can stay up later. He is not a smart boy.
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@brianbowman73: Sorry I called you an imbecile. I should've realized I would have to explain to you what that means.
@THEPokerWife: After seeing your latest selfie ... And knowing what you look like in real life.... I'd like to hire you for your photoshopping abilities.
@timdonakowski: Sorry neighbor who’s choking to death, my cat's resting his little head on my leg. This, like, never happens.
@PyrBliss: McDonalds wants you to tell your family you love them because if you keep eating McDonalds it won't be long before you're dead.