@Cheeseboy22: My son just told me he's changing his clock to military time so he can stay up later. He is not a smart boy.
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@CauseWereGuys: My roommate is 3 days younger than me so ive gotten in the habit of saying “when i was your age..” and then describing what i did 3 days ago
@GrowlyGrego: *walks out of prison, a free man. *guards shouting from gate "From! At! For! With!" What? "Oh, we always end sentences with a preposition"
@Phook75: "You'll be visited by 3 ghosts." "Will they show me the true spirit of Christmas?" "No, they'll try to eat you." Pac-Man Christmas Carol