@weirdralph: My son keeps running around naked, so I sprayed him with Windex. It's supposed to prevent streaking.
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@WhaJoTalkinBout: [taking out trash] Me: Hey, I'm Jo. I live over there Neighbor: Yes, you say that every week. M: I'm sorry, I'm high af N: You say that, too
@BuckyIsotope: [wakes up from coma I went into in 1908] so how many more World Series titles have the Cubs won?
@FrenulumBreve: [love making] Her: [leans in] "do that thing you know I like." [i cease to exist] Her: "yeah baby."