@DadandBuried: My son LOVES dogs and is TERRIFIED of them. Which is EXACTLY how I feel about my WIFE.
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@TheMichaelRock: [first date] me: so what do you do for a living? her: I study foreign languages me[trying to impress her] bone apple tea, moon cherry
@Barknado69: Joseph: no rooms? Dude she's about to give birth to humanity's savior Innkeeper: sorry busy around Christmas time J: wtf around what time
@BlindChow: "Daddy, there's a mime under the bed!" That's ridiculous, why would you think that? "Listen!" *complete silence* OH DEAR GOD RUN
@BackrowSeats: Don't dwell on bad things that happened in your past. Focus on the terrible things that'll happen tomorrow.