@iamspacegirl: My son loves lizard facts but he can't quite say 'lizard' so he randomly makes statements like "Wizards protect themselves with camouflage".
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@MissNaughty1801: I find it inconsiderate that policemen always ask if I had been drinking but they never bother to ask if I had anything to eat at all
@Sarcasticsapien: Me: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Me: When you fell from a really high distance. Dating as an atheist is hard.
@lecalabara: "I love Justin Bieber" well I love McDonalds but you dont see me making an account pretending to be a chicken nugget, do you?