@Caissie: My son on the morning of his prom: "Well, it just occurred to me that I paid $130 to go to my school at night."
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: *looks at our pig* Which pig is she? Me: What do you mean? 4: Is her house made of bricks or sticks?
@darkmatter_wimp: At the club, a 6'1" girl was crying in my lap. I just kept petting her hair, pretending she was a sad giraffe. Win-win.
@jwalkonthemoon: I'm not normally a name-dropper but Tiger Woods asked me to start his car in the dream I just had.
@Sickayduh: "Nice place!" Mmmehh "Hungry?" Mmmehh "You look nice." Mmmehh "DO I EVEN MAKE YOU HAPPY?!?" Mmmehh "Mom told me not to date a goat."