@Caissie: My son on the morning of his prom: "Well, it just occurred to me that I paid $130 to go to my school at night."
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@austen_420: Rules for meeting a puppy: 1 be cool 2 pet it 3 do not steal it 4 stop running from the owner 5 put it down 6 this isn't worth jail time
@kangel76: If "Cops" has taught me anything it's to stay away from people with blurry faces, they're nothing but trouble...
@CakeThrottle: [Interview with a time traveller] "What's life like in the year 3000?" It's pretty much the same as 2015 but you can download a towel
@HammerFist3: I want to buy a Prius because I plan on driving off of a cliff & I don't want to make too big of an explosion & kill squirrels or turtles