@ericsshadow: My son ran away again, but it gets worse. He changed the wifi password before he left.
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@chinchillasaur: [graduation speech] all of our parents had sex during the same year and i think that's really great
@andylassner: If The Lego Movie is about anything other than parents walking around and cursing after stepping on Legos, it's not based on a true story.
@Brampersandon_: ME: *to friend* you're dumb as a box of rocks lol BOX OF ROCKS: *putting finishing touches on his astrophysics thesis* dude
@TrueTorontoGirl: [Boss stands at my desk] Can I see you in my office? [I stare curiously] You can see me here, right?