@ericsshadow: My son ran away again, but it gets worse. He changed the wifi password before he left.
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@yonewt: Congratulations, FB friend looking forward to an anniversary dinner tonight with your "sweatie"
@ShutUpThatsWho: [brings Kevin Bacon to a knife fight] [Kevin Bacon gets foot stuck in a drain] [Kevin Bacon's about to drown] [Everybody cuts foot loose]
@novicefather: Bro. It's not ladies man, it's ladies' man. Chicks dig a dude who can navigate a plural possessive.