@ericsshadow: My son ran away again, but it gets worse. He changed the wifi password before he left.
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@Mikecanrant: There is a huge spider in my kitchen so I will be tweeting from on top of this table for whatever the life span of this species is.
@Jen_says_nah: My neighbour has diabetes and now she won't make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
@SarcasticAlly12: God, designing a toddler: ya know what would be hilarious would be if it has no ability to reason but talks nonstop. Also make it trip a lot
@QuintinForbes: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art not as nice as this time last year.