@ericsshadow: My son ran away again, but it gets worse. He changed the wifi password before he left.
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@_wangwe: Superman's first day at the daily planet. Boss: Since you're new, you might need supervision. Clark: I have that, superhearing too.
@bencoffeehall: If peeing was an Olympic event, I would win gold. But then I would miss the awards ceremony because I was taking a leak.
@MicheleAKALips: You never realize what have till its gone........ Toilet paper is a good example of this.
@_NinJar: *cop frisking me* Cop: "theres nothin in your pockets that will poke me, right?" Uh, no Cop: "OW!" *baby porcupine jumps out* RUN POKEY, RUN