@ericsshadow: My son ran away again, but it gets worse. I think this time he took the remote.
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@weinerdog4life: Maybe the Titanic sank because there were too many cats onboard, you don't know.
@causticbob: I took a girl back to my flat. "You haven't removed many bras have you?" she sighed. "What gave it away?" "The scissors, mainly."
@rose24_em: 21st century divorce: I want it stipulated that he can't change the Netflix password.