@ericsshadow: My son ran away again, but it gets worse. I think this time he took the remote.
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@shegotagronk: Shout out to my drug dealer Jamal, he's taught me more about the metric system than any of my teachers ever did.
@envydatropic: It's cute how I ordered 2 drinks and the bartender asked if I wanted to wait for the other person to be seated