@ericsshadow: My son ran away again, but it gets worse. I think this time he took the remote.
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@DrBacos: Shoutout to my Cold War reenactment group! We're just a bunch of chill white guys, sitting at a table, acting stressed about the USSR.
@KeetPotato: [on date] girl: "id like to if i met mr right, how bout you? have you ever been married" henry the eighth: "our food sure is taking a while"
@markhoppus: DON'T TELL ME CAGE CAN'T BE THE ELEPHANT'S NAME BECAUSE THERE'S NO COMMA WHEN THERE'S NO COMMA IN FROSTY THE SNOWMAN!!!
@Xoolun: These Jehovah's Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.