@chopper4jk: My son wants to change his given Indian name, so I told Broken Condom he could change it if he really wants to. Kid's these days...
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@crunkdumpster: Give a man a fish and he'll be like, "Dude I'm allergic to fish." TEACH a man to fish and he'll be like, "THTOP I THAID IM ALLERGIC TO FITH"
@AmishPornStar1: Pro Tip: You can disable the surveillance camera in your microwave by heating a metal fork on the high setting for 7 minutes.
@krisv_723: *Friend hands me their baby. I whisper* The blood so fresh & pure. It’s perfect for the sacrifice. And that’s how I get out of babysitting.