@TragicAllyHere: My son was crying and asked, "why doesn't the dog have to wear pants?" And it's like, I don't even know. So now I'm putting pants on a dog.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@nealbrennan: Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
@AHundredElbows: [home late] Where were you? "Uh, with my.. gf?" Gf? Well, tell us about her! What's her name? [commercial on tv] uh.. Lisa.. Brandnewtoyota
@ClichedOut: I buy my shoes three sizes too big so if I run into a clown posse I'll have automatic street cred.
@UNTRESOR: Health level: my credit card company called me about fraud because I bought a vegetable.