@FatherWithTwins: My sons consider "it's bedtime" my first offer in the negotiation process
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@jergarl: I walked out naked one time and she's like wtf. And I'm like this is how god made me! And she's like no that's how beer and tacos made you.
@sammyrhodes: There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
@Blarebare: My wife just said that Twilight is better than The Lost Boys. I don't think there's a jury in the world that would convict me.
@davetureq: They found the charred body rolled into an old carpet, locked inside the trunk of a burned out car. The police suspect foul play.