@FatherWithTwins: My sons consider "it's bedtime" my first offer in the negotiation process
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@Jenny4ashley: SORRY I GOT IN THE VAN AND ATE ALL OF THE CANDY AND NOW YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ME.
@MariyaAlexander: Potato chips bragging about having less fat - I don't think you understand people who eat you.
@MelvinofYork: If my wife calls me passive-aggressive one more time I swear to God I'm going to run the dishwasher half-empty again
@aspiringtoucan: BUT WHY THE HELL is it called BUG spray not disINSECTant *Walmart worker who I have in a headlock in aisle 4* Sir please stop I don't know