@FatherWithTwins: My sons consider "it's bedtime" my first offer in the negotiation process
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LaziestCanine: [teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] "Gemini's go to sleep when they are tired" HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO ME
@noogscorner: Hendrix didn't need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
@behindyourback: *at my funeral* Friend crying over my casket: look they're burying her in her favorite dress Me, still dead: it haaasss pockets