@DannyZuker: My son's soccer coach just said, "You can't spell "triumph" without 'try,'" and the look my son and I shared will bond us forever.
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@OVLH: I always keep a google search for "how to find anyone, anywhere, and kill them" open on my phone in case anyone steals it.
@DJTannerComedy: Anderson Cooper: "the Arizona wildfire is flaming out of control." Arizona Wildfire: "Wow, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black."
@Jay_FrickinLynn: M: If I cashew looking through my windows agai- H: What? M: I saw you pecan! H: No, I wasn- M: You're macadamian me mad. H: You're nuts.
@AndyAsAdjective: terrifying if it really happened: the kiss emoji with the heart coming out of the mouth