@DannyZuker: My son's soccer coach just said, "You can't spell "triumph" without 'try,'" and the look my son and I shared will bond us forever.
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@GrantTanaka: "I dunno, maybe you go steal an old lady's purse, you can hold up a liquor store, & you...just sit there looking mean." -Unorganized Crime
@preritpathak: *At a clothing store* Worker: Do you need any help sir? Me: *Mixes "No, I'm good" & "No, I'm just looking"* Me:"No, I'm just good looking"
@Hobo_Splendido: For the low, low price of $14.95, I'll send you my instructional DVD, "How to Succeed as a Con Man."
@CulturedRuffian: Her: I like long walks on the beach. Me: Is there WiFi? Her: Where? Me: The beach. Her: What?...No. Me: We should see other people.