@ProudFFAalumni: My son's taking French and my daughter is learning sign language and now I have no idea what anyone's talking about anymore.
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@markydoodoo: Birthdays were invented by big wax corporations to sell more candles with numbers on them.
@Discourt: For a tiny person unable to wipe herself after she poops, my toddler has managed to hit me dead in the eyeball with 4 things today.
@envydatropic: It's cute how my family thinks I'm playing with fire and I'm just trying to cook them breakfast