@tweetarded1: My soon to be ex-wife just told me I need to face my demons. nnWTF. I was looking right at her.
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@Baldylockzzz: Nothing says " My divorce didn't go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
@BillFienberg: If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it's considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it's called "cheating."
@Bluestmoon_: My neighbors wifi isn't working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
@50ShadesGran: Suddenly she was on her back, clothes strewn everywhere and her wrists bound to her ankles. She always had trouble hanging out the washing.