@maybenotstef: My spirit animal died of neglect.
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@GoodnightSanity: My toddler begged to go swimming and then threw a tantrum because she didn't want to get wet in case you were on the fence about having kids
@SamuelHLowe: - You always have to have the last word. - THAT IS A LIE! - OK, I'm sorry. - Spatula.
@panmidwest: ME: I made you some coffee! It's even double filtered… fancy right? WIFE: ME: WIFE: couldn't separate the coffee filters could you? ME: no
@jologz: I wouldn't want lesbian parents. Not because I'm homophobic. I just don't want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."