@tonsmorecowbell: My spirit animal is a dolphin because I use sonar to make sure I'm peeing in the toilet every night.
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@BonaFideIntent: I just took enough Vicodin to kill a medium-sized Chipmunk. RIP Roy. Roy's the hypothetical Chipmunk. I named him. Has anyone seen my legs??
@awryaditi: Is #GoHomeIndianMedia really trending? Can we respond with #NoPleaseYouKeepThem or #OkFineWhereElseCanWeSendThem
@mjkspeaks: [shopping] May I help you find something? “Where are the giants?“ What? “Your sign outside says there’s a giant sale.“
@Birdhumms: A selfie stick is very useful..... .. as a prod to keep people out of your personal space.