@tonsmorecowbell: My spirit animal is a dolphin because I use sonar to make sure I'm peeing in the toilet every night.
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@Scdavis24: Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri "What do women want?" She's been talking nonstop for the last two days now.
@JordyHamrick: Ladies, the next time a guy has the courage to talk to you, remember he's not wearing makeup. Also, remember what you look like without it.
@SortaSarcastic: Pick up a book, any book. Open to the middle, and read the first paragraph. Make sense? Welcome to Twitter.
@david8hughes: A black James Bond? Wouldn't work. He'd be pulled over every 15 minutes for driving an Aston Martin.