@tonsmorecowbell: My spirit animal is a dolphin because I use sonar to make sure I'm peeing in the toilet every night.
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@joeldanger: My parents told me as a kid that R&B stood for ribbons and bows so when I heard Barry White in their bedroom I left them alone to do crafts.
@Matt_The_1st: I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
@Karate_Horse: me: I hate boxes and how they hold food so well! almost TOO good! inventor of cornucopia: sir, do i have something to show you
@lisaxy424: I set my alarm in a way to try to trick morning-me into getting up earlier, but morning-me is a math wizard and cannot be fooled.