@EricBedner: My spirit animal is a tapeworm.
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@geekysteven: BUZZ ALDRIN:They say in space no one can hear you scream, but it's not true and the other astronauts get mad at you for the rest of the trip
@Rollmaninoz: *KFC* Me: how tender is the chicken? Employee: [points to chicken crying watching the notebook]
@fatherofcomedy: I don't like doing the same things again so much that I can never be a serial killer.