@OctopusCaveman: My spirit animal is the opossum. They weren't meant to live in the suburbs but they sure figured it out.
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@GlennyRodge: "Do you like Tolstoy?" "Of course. Who doesn't?" "What's your favourite book?" "The one where Woody is kidnapped & Buzz tries to save him".
@duplicitron: Hey lady I have bad news for you someone thought your hair was noodles and left their chopsticks in it.
@david8hughes: "The toilet's blocked pretty bad so I called the plumber. Should be here later tod-" [Bowser spits coffee] "Which plumber?"