@bdbdleeroybrown: My stalker just threatened to kill herself if I can’t love her back. It’s nice when problems resolve themselves.
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@david8hughes: [cops knock on my door] "Sir?" "Nobody's home." "Who said that then?" "My dog." "Jesus Christ, well do u know when Mr Hughes will be back?"
@zachreinert03: In Texas you're allowed to shoot someone just for being on your property. Man if I lived there I'd host sooo many parties