@bdbdleeroybrown: My stalker just threatened to kill herself if I can’t love her back. It’s nice when problems resolve themselves.
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@DurtMcHurtt: Goal as a white guy 1)Pay taxes 2)Never say anything that may come across as racist 3)Find something clever to do with my arms when I dance.
@INDlAN_: I’m still waiting for the day my patents will say: “It’s all fake son, we’re millionaires, this was just to teach you how to be humble.
@LibelousLurker: My kids can't play at your house because they might begin to think laundry doesn't live on the couch.