@bdbdleeroybrown: My stalker just threatened to kill herself if I can’t love her back. It’s nice when problems resolve themselves.
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@SondraDeeMe: You can tell a lot about my BF by the way he's giving me the silent treatment. He's doing it wrong. I'm doing it right but can't tell him.
@ParentNormal: VOICEMAIL: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can't try again until next year