@LilyRoseLynn: My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
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@patcasey72: Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
@kibblesmith: "How did the Nukey War start, Oldfather?" "Well ..." [I stoke the fire] "It was Hashtag International Cat Day..."
@EliTerry: I brought a gun that shoots knives to a gun fight. Everybody was like whoa. We didn't even fight. Went to get nachos. Cool group of dudes.