@LilyRoseLynn: My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
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@truegritrumble: Harmonicas were invented in 1932 when the worst person in the world decided he needed to organize his hot air into compartments.
@MomOnFire: Whoever taught my five-year-old daughter how to "air quote," I need to speak with you privately.
@SenseiSandwich: *draws a sharpie mustache on my grandma* lol you cant hang loser. passin out w/ shoes on? rookie "Sir please step away from the casket"
@pinupteacher: All I'm saying is God wouldn't have given me this wild hair if he didn't want me to store stuff in it. *baby hedgehog peaks out*