@Arrogant_Twat: My stomach just made a really weird noise. I’m sending a pizza down to check it out.
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@Xalqee: When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
@tastefactory: Manager: Your fired Me: *You're Manager: How did you know I spelled it wrong if I spoke it out loud Me: How did you know I corrected you
@EndhooS: [Commercial for lawnmowers] [Exhausted looking guy stood in his garden] *Stabs a long sword into the grass* "There has to be a better way"
@ReAnim8ed_: Officer, if I can't stand in the shoulder of the road, screaming and crying, then maybe they shouldn't call it the breakdown lane.