@PurelyYours1: My stomach just made a really weird noise. So I'm just going to send a pizza down to check it out.
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@Brampersandon_: [leaving a party] HOST (holding 2 identical coats): which is urs ME: does 1 have a corn dog in its pocket H: ya M (suspiciously): mine had 2
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Doctor: Do you smoke? Me: Doctor: Me: Doctor: Me: Doctor: Me: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: tobacco Me: No.
@blahfamous: Whaaa? You taste brides? RT MatrooKiBijlee: Bridal tasting was a success! The only thing I regret is not taking pictures. But still...."
@Marlebean: They say guys who drive tiny sports cars are trying to over-compensate... *walks up to guy in minivan* "Sup?"