@PurelyYours1: My stomach just made a really weird noise. So I'm just going to send a pizza down to check it out.
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@DaHess1: Pizza will never tell you you're fat unless you're high as shit, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
@Audenary: Vicar: The bride and groom have written their own vows. *Everyone lets out a huge groan as Tolstoy reaches into his suit pocket*
@BisHilarious: One time I stayed in a relationship three months longer than I should've because the person had a flattering mirror in their apartment