@trevso_electric: My subconscious wants Thai food but my inner goddess wants pizza.
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@curlycomedy: When people write, "your dumb," maybe it's not a typo--they just mean stupidity belongs to you. "Here's your dumb now leave."
@ObscureGent: I never took a drama class but everyone at this birthday believes that I love this gluten free cake.
@OhHiAlyPie: Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
@stephenjmolloy: [Pilot intercom] Me: "Hello, this is the co-pilot speaking. Not to cause alarm but the pilot has passed out and I lied a lot on my resume."