@josh___grant: My suicide notes just keep turning into grocery lists.
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@SteussieErica: [6 ½ hour car ride] Me: I'm so sick of sitting I can't sit anymore. Also Me: *gets home and immediately sits on couch*
@ThingsJackDigs: Barista: got a latte for “Batman”! Is there a “Batman” here? *everyone looks at me* Me [dressed as Batman]: that's not me, my name is Jack
@birbigs: Why does my computer always ask me if I'm "sure" about stuff? Yes, I want to delete my hard drive.