@josh___grant: My suicide notes just keep turning into grocery lists.
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@primawesome: Tommy Lee Jones always looks like his son just told him he wants to ride unicycles professionally.
@hazelmotes1: Having daughters is great if you want to get yelled at every time you hit a butterfly with your car.
@batkaren: They're a pack of lions He's some guy who hates lions Together, they're: PRIDE AND PREJUDICE This fall on CBS
@ArfMeasures: [1st day at work] BOSS: Erm..we..have No Smoking rules here ME: That's great Alan [blows out smoke] most places have loads of smoking rules