@josh___grant: My suicide notes just keep turning into grocery lists.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@usermcuserface: At the library: Librarian: you have 45 cents in late fees. Me: (adjusts bow tie then slides 50 cents across the table) Keep the change
@seamusmckracken: Confuse people by affixing “but not necessarily at this juncture” to the end of each sentence.
@McNarstle: "He's gone too far." "He crossed the line between science & ethics." "He's playing God." -reaction to the amount of cheese I put in omelets