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@josh___grant: My suicide notes just keep turning into grocery lists.
@Mr_goose007: Kids make friends in 5 seconds, adults make friends in 5 drinks.
@2tickytacky: She had soft, black hair, and big, brown eyes. We went for a walk. I told her I loved her. Now she's gone. She took off after a squirrel.
@chuuew: Isn't it annoying when someone sits next to you in an empty cinema? I didn't think so but that's what my new best friend is telling security
@Dani_Feld: The wifi going down on me is the most action I'm going to get tonight.
@1evilidiot: It's funny when you tell someone that you don't like people, they always think you mean other people.