@josh___grant: My suicide notes just keep turning into grocery lists.
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@DrawingShadows: I am going to make millions when I finally finish developing this iPhone app that tells you when the traffic light turns green.
@stevevsninjas: Named my band Scheduled for Demolition so whenever it appears on a marquee, confused people write angry letters to the city council.
@Storminika: I win arguments with cab drivers by getting out of the cab and leaving the door open.