@MikeCanRant: My suit made entirely of Hello Kitty Bandaids did not help me much at my hospital interview. Apparently you have to go to medical school.
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@TheRolo: 911: What is your emergency? Me: I love you. 911: Hang up. Me: No you hang up. 911: Stop. Me: This is so us.
@JoParkerBear: How To Avoid Dating ●You're too young for me. ●I'm too young for you. ●I don't date men my age. ●Okay, but after I finish my antibiotics.
@colegamble: The strangest thing happened. A coworker who always says, "Living the dream" was mysteriously stabbed 37 times in the neck with my car keys.
@McSwtrvst: If you do not stop arguing I WILL turn this car around and around and around creating a time vortex teleporting me back to before I had kids