@Puncroaker: My superhero name is Typoman. I am the writer of wrongs.
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@hazelmotes1: I read an article about a stolen dog being reunited with its owner and it made me feel good to think maybe someone will steal my dog one day
@david8hughes: [parole hearing] "What will u do if released?" "Kill everyone on the jury." "What?" "Buy everyone jewellery." "Aw. Granted."
@SortaBad: *hears a man crying in a bathroom stall at work* "Excuse me, are you okay? Because you're kinda stealing my thing"