@Steelers1972: My superpower is destroying the neighbors living room from 100 yards with nothing but her cat and my laser pointer.
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@adamjest: *makes doctors appointment* *arrives 20 minutes early* *waits in doctors office for 7 hours*
@myles_morrison: It's easier to get away with stealing someone's stroller if you're dressed as a jogger.
@rickolantern: Florida is about to release millions of genetically modified mosquitoes. I hope when they bite you they make you drive better.
@giftedrascal: I just found out my mum didn't know how to set the clock on their new microwave. So they stayed up until midnight & then plugged it in