@shamans_heal: My superpower is finding the one bathroom stall with no toilet paper.
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@BrendanMcKeigan: Got kicked out of the grocery store. Apparently yelling "LET THE BEETS DROP!" And throwing them at the ground is not acceptable.
@errhmagerd: I'm in an abusive relationship. controlling, manipulative, overbearing, demanding. it's for his own good.
@pstamato: Asked exterminator if he chose the bug life or the bug life chose him. In the ensuing silence I assume he imagined me dying by fumigation.
@_NTFG_: When your mate says his name is Stephen with a 'ph' to the cashier and he gets his Starbucks cup back reading 'PHEVEN'. That.