@shamans_heal: My superpower is finding the one bathroom stall with no toilet paper.
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@WilliamAder: My wife is visiting her mother this weekend, so the cat and I are smoking cigars and playing poker.
@TheHyyyype: *young people decide to avoid hard drugs and lead healthier lifestyles* BUSINESS INSIDER HEADLINE: millenials are killing the meth industry
@caperbc75: "Hey Frosty, calm down on the snacks. You're getting fat. Check out this six pack! You could do laundry on it!" - the Abdominal Snowman