@CaniacMONK: My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
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@davedittell: yeah, we r a non-traditional family. instead of naming our dog, we let him name us. I'm Woof, this is my husband Woof, & these r Woof & Woof
@BobbyAwful: I don't pluck my unibrow to look good, I do it because McDonald's sued me for illegal use of the double arches.
@MatCro: [Starbucks Assassins Inc] CHIEF: Write this down. Target's name is John BARISTA: [writes] Jamie C: Ok. Memorise it B: [eyes shut] Janet